what have i done??

4 June 2009 (Thursday)

Everything was fine in the beginning.. I was having a very serious headache last night.. i wasn't able to revise for my biology diagnostic test.. so i slept for the whole night..

The next day i went to college as usual.. i was EXTRAORDINARILY missing him so much more than i did usually.. i've not been talking to him for like.. FIVE DAYS already.. It's so UNUSUAL for a pair of couple to experience this..

I did quite well in my biology diagnostic test.. i got 42 out of 60. It's a grade A!!! i'm satisfied with my result. In fact, i was called to sit in front with Angie, cuz Bonnie and i kept talking and talking non-stop at the back. So Ms. Fatima (our Biology lecturer) wasn't happy with our disrespectful attitude.. Yet, i'm able to PROVE to her successfully that I AM NOT WEAK IN BIOLOGY!!! at least i could do better than those who studied!! I'm really proud of myself in this subject..

Today is my friend, Vivien's 18th Birthday. Melvin planned to do her a surprise party. After class, we all gathered in Denning Mourt. Before that, i wanted to go to toilet. I saw "Turtle" right in front of the corridor.. but instead of talking to me, he pulled one of the girl's hand, and chat with her as if like i'm INVISIBLE.. i got so UPSET... it feels like... HEART BROKEN.. does he know that everytime i saw him, even though i don't give any response, but in my heart, i am so happy??

I felt so moody suddenly.. just feel like i wanna go home... i just wanna be alone.. i'm seeing walking further and further away from me... i'm trying so hard to reach him again from far, but i failed.. he wanted to follow, i told him not to. He insisted to come. He bought me an apple pie for lunch. He brought me to the river side that we used to go.. when he talked to me, he kept looking on the ground.. he got so angry and he scolded me very badly.. after awhile, he got up from the grass that he was sitting on, he packed his stuff, and he just walked away without saying anything.. He said i treated him like a stranger.. did i?

i've got a lot of things that i want to do with him.. i once thought of hugging him.. but i failed.. i once thought of kissing him too.. but i failed again.. i really wish i could have wrapped in his arms.. I've got a lot to tell him... but seems like there's no chance for me already...

and now.. we've already broke up.. i never tell him that i love him.. but it's too LATE now.. I knew this will end.. but i just have to let go.. who's wrong, who's right, it's not important anymore.. I just hope he'll stay happy.. and forget me.. i had a great time with him.. but all these moments had become memories.. but they'll store in my mind till the end.. but it wasn't supposed to end this way.. he'll have to move on in his life now.. he deserves a better gf.. not me..

~ end of the story ~