What's the definition of FOREVER..?

Do you believe in FOREVER??

"Will you love me forever?" i asked Jacky.

"Yes!" said Jacky.

"How sure are you?" i questioned him again.

"90%...." said Jacky, in order to give me assurance.

My request was granted.

Do not simply make a commitment to your loved ones.

PLEASE....

She is not for you to hurt.. She's for you to LOVE..

I'm in need of LOVE..

Song Title：Innocence
Singer ：Avril Lavigne

Waking up I see that everything is ok
The first time in my life
and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around
and I am so amazed
I think about the little things
that make life great
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

[chorus]
This innocence is brilliant
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
please don't go away
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
don't you let it pass you by
I found a place so safe
not a single tear
The first time in my life
and now it's so clear
Feel calm I belong
I'm so happy here
It's so strong
and now I let myself be sincere
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

It's the state of bliss you think
you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside
that you're feeling
It's so beautiful
it makes you wanna cry

DATING.. NOT MATING

29 August 2008

Today is Friday.. Next week is going to be the SPM trial examination..

But i still don't feel the tension YET!! Don't know what's wrong with me lately..

It's raining heavily since recently.. The weather is kinda windy..

During the last lesson - EST (English in Science and Technology).. We were talking bout REPRODUCTION!! haha!! I like this topic.. But it's bout COWS and CATTLE.. Don't know why.. our teacher ~ Puan Dewi just talked bout couples..

She actually understands what teenagers do and think.. She said it's normal to like a person at this age.. But if you are SEXUALLY attracted to that particular person, then it's WRONG!!!

I agreed with her.. And i knew i was WRONG!! When a pair of couple starts to touch each other, sooner or later, it will develop into SEX!!! And if we have experienced "it", we can't pull yourselves out anymore!!!

She said normally couples will start touching each other at the early stage.. YES, IT'S VERY VERY TRUE!! For me, i want to hug my bf FIRST before we hold hands.. I don't know why.. i just LOVE to hug people.. It makes me feel warm and secure.. It seems like a "PHYSICAL" PROTECTION for me in order to feel safe..

• pet my hair gently


• pull out the chair for me and let me sit


• open the door for me and let me in


• carry the unbrella for me when it is raining
  
• putting hands on my shoulder
  
  

NO ONE HAS DONE ALL THESE FOR ME!!!! WHY......???

National day is approaching.. A total of 3 guys are asking Nanalicious out for counting down event.. but ME??

I'm just a MOULDERING human being that had fallen from grace..

MORE THAN WORDS!!!

F***.....!!!

I heard "double UU" is going to sing Frankie J's song!!!

Oh GOD!!!!

PLEASE dont make me melt..

If and only if he is Howe2.. I do wish it is HIM..

Song Title：More Than Words

Singer ：Frankie J

[Verse 1]

Saying I love you

Is not the words I want to hear from you

Its not that i want you not to say

But if you only knew

How easy it would be to show me how you feel

More than words

Is all you have to do to make it real

Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me, yeah

Cause I already know.

[Verse 2]

What would you do (what would you do)If my heart was torn in two?

More than words to show you feel

That your love for me is real

What would you say

If i took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new

Just by saying I Love You

(just saying I love you, saying I love you)

More than words

(just saying I love you, saying I love you)

[Verse 3]

Now that I've tried to (now that I've tried to)

Talk to you and make you understand

All you have to do is

Close your eyes and just reach out your hand

And touch me

Hold me close don't ever let me go

More than words

Is all i ever needed you to show

Then you wouldn't have to say

That you love me, yeah

Cause i already know

(just saying I love you, saying I love you)

More than words

AVRIL LAVIGNE'S CONCERT!!!!

Argh..!!!!

I wanna go!! I wanna go!!!

Tonight is the concert!! Last night, i was listening the radio.. i forgot which station.. it was either Hitz fm or Fly fm.. Nanalicious told me that if i buy Avril Lavigne's caller ringtone from Hotlink.. I might get the chance to win a free ticket for Avril Lavigne's concert!!! It's just RM3.00..

BUT I GOT NO CREDIT!!! F***!!!

I really like Avril's dressing style.. She's not a PUNK! i don't understand why they want to ban her concert in Malaysia.. It's just so UNFAIR!! They should have ban Pussycat Dolls's concert instead!!! As Ateli3r said, that NICOLE is really like a porn star.. And she reminds me of the song called "SCREAM" feat TIMBALAND.

I got one of her previous album - UNDER MY SKIN!! her songs are gorgeous!!!

i am EXTREMELY eager to go to her concert!! She's like a PRINCESS to me..

i wonder when will be her next album release.. Haiz T_T

Linda and i were planning to enter the singing competition in school.. We were actually going to sing Nobody's Home from Avril Lavigne.. But i can't SING!!!! And the worst thing is..

I HATE MY VOICE!!!

Is anyone here likes Avril too??

BEAUTY!!

The Astro Beauty Competiton 2008 is approaching..

I'm here to share my view on this topic..

There is only a word to describe the competition..

DEGRADING!!!

Basically.. competition is based on one's ability and his/her skills..

For instance.. Formula One. The outcome of the race is CLEAR and EXACT. No one can deny or object the end result. FAIR, right??

But in the case of beauty competition.. it's different!

CAN BEAUTY BE COMPETED??

ANYONE WHO SAY "YES" FOR THE ABOVE QUESTION, PLZ LEAVE A COMMENT TOGETHER WITH YOUR REASON!!

Beauty is only skin deep. Beauty is the quality of a person being pleasing to the senses or to the mind.. Neither me nor you has the rights to RATE or MEASURE one's beauty!

Beauty comes from the HEART.. not their physical appearance!!

Just like me.. i never consider myself as a BEAUTY..

Beauty is purely subjective! A guy may like woman with spectacles.. Another guy may like a plump young lady.. Some may like short girls.. Others may like tall and skinny girls.. YOU WON'T KNOW!!

Beauty contests are ridiculous!! How can a group of pompous judges watch the parade of HALF- NAKED ladies and pronounce one to be the most beautiful??!!

All these young ladies just have to flaunt their bodies in public!! And the audience of lusty in front of TV!! The worst thing is.. it's LIVE!!

All they have to do is just strike a SEXY pose standing with their high heels. And twist their hips HERE and THERE!! With their perpetual smiles pouting their lips and wiggling their bottoms in order to gain MARKS!!

VERY FUNNY!!!

And the winner (the so-called BEAUTY QUEEN!!) gets to wear the giant CROWN on their head.. She's just an exploited SEX-OBJECT!!

Isn't beauty an ENDURING thing for a woman?? But why do they have to exhibit it in front of DIRTY old men pretending to be appreciative??

We just need to be ourselves!!

JCKY!!! you're such a JERK!!!

You're such a LIAR!!!

You lied to me!!!

And i HATE your ex-GIRLFRIEND!!!

You made me CRY!!

I don't mind spending my time with you if you would just treat me good enough..

I don't mind if you were to RUIN my life!!!

But i will NEVER let you broke my HEART!!

You can flirt with other girls through the NET..

GO AHEAD!!!

I don't know how much you really LOVE me..

I don't know about your past..

And i DON'T care!!!

but YOU still BELONG to ME!!!

REMO!!!!

F! F! F! F! F! F! F!

Can someone tell me what is the meaning of "REMO" !!!

I had ENOUGH already!!!! ENOUGH!!! THAT'S IT!!!

"You" promised me that you will NEVER EVER bother me in my life!!! but NOW??!!

"You" embarrassed me in front of my friends!!

"You" made other people laughed at me!!!

"You" gave me stuffs!!

"You" gave me key chain!!

"You" reload for me!!

"You" gave me bookmark!!

"You" bought me a new wallet when i lost it..

AND "You" even gave me LOVE LETTERS!!!

BUT is that all i NEED??!!

From the beginning.. You told me that those Indian guys in your class were spreading rumors about me as a prostitute!! So, indirectly you made me gave my hp number to you.. ok! FINE!! maybe i am FOOL!!!

So, you start sms me. I THOUGHT you as my friend.. i THOUGHT you were trying to help me..

BUT!! i NEVER thought all the things that you've done to me is for another REASON!!!

I REPLIED your letter..

i TOLD you that i need to concentrate on my SPM examination.

i TOLD you that i can NEVER ever accept you as my bf!!

i TOLD you that it would be better if we REMAIN our friendship!!!

CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND SIMPLE ENGLISH??!!!

"You" told everyone that i'm your gf!!

"You" called me SWEETHEART in every single letter that you sent to me!!!

Bla.. Bla.. Bla..

"You" could EVEN blackmail other people just to be in my group for the trip!!

"You" can sell your watch just to buy something for ME!!!

"You" can write my name all over the places to tell everyone that you LIKE me!!

BUT you just can't win my HERAT!!!

Maybe i'll fall for a Indian guy one day..

Who knows??

BUT one thing for SURE!!!

NOT YOU!!!!

SHOPPING!!!

i want shopping!!!!

i wanna buy clothes!! The SEXiest one!!!!

i wanna buy earrings!!

i wanna buy skirts!!! MINI skirts!!!!

i wanna buy accesories!!!

Haiz.. but nowadays.. our living costs are increasing..

i wanna buy nail colours.. Now i have the blue one.. yellow one.. green one.. black one.. and.. NO MORE!!!

i want the WHITE one and the PURPLE one!! i HATE the pink one!!!!

i want DYE my hair VIOLET!!! Can't wait to see my new image..

I still remember.. my mum threw away all my skirts and all my bare-back shirts!!! NO!!!! i miss them all.. hw dare she do that to me??!! it's all my PROPERTY!!!! all MINE!!!

but now.. it's all GONE!!! ALL gone!!!!

it's TRUE that i really love to wear those revealling clothes.. so what?!! thatz my dressing STYLE!!!

if she read my diary.. then i'm still able to can forgive her..

But i can't stand if people start RANSACKING my stuffs in my ROOM!!!

GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!! I BET THOSE PEOPLE DON'T WANNA TASTE MY KNUCKLE!!!!

HOLIDAY SUCKS!!!! though it's just the beginning of it..

I really don't knw why.. today i jz have the inspiration to write something in my blog..

i read Mr. Anderson's comment in my friendster.. I knw he was right.. and he is always RIGHT..

I'm changing day by day.. Not to the good side.. But the BAD side..

Maybe our school holiday started already.. i'm bored..

SOMETIMES.. THE HARDEST THING TO DO IS "NOTHING"....

i don't mind taking craps over here.. but i just can't stop typing!!!!

THE NEW TUTION IN ERA..

Frankly.. it was really a massive DISASTER!!!!

i thought i was late to tuition.. but i didn't know that there was people who was later than me.. INCLUDING the teacher!!

i rushed back home frm Kajang jz to bring my bag and pencil case. The moment when i reached the tuition centre.. i went to registered myself at the counter. I filled in my name and all those information on the registeration form.

Here comes the shocking scene i've ever seen in a tuition centre!!! i stepped into the class.. it was damn NOISY!!! that was the first difference that i found as compared to SUCCESS tuition centre! and it was the MAJOR difference!!!

Never mind.. it's kinda normal to me. It's just the same thing usually happened in school.. so i wasn't really CARE.. Ateli3r was not there yet. She sent me a msg but my hp wasn't with me that time.. it was at home. WH lend me his seat and he went out to take another chair for himself. And that Bryan teased me, he told me that i grew taller already!! F***!!!! of course la!! i was wearing a pair of high heel shoes!!! Yeah.. very FUNNY -.-"

I chat with Anandh and YF. I didn't know that i could reallt talk to YF like a friend.. i don't talk to him in school. We were like strangers.. Nicole was late.. T_T i really thought that i could sit with her.. but there was a guy at my left hand side.. i was kinda stucked at the middle.. and i didn't wanna move around so i terpaksa have to..

SORRY.. ATELI3R..

When the teacher came in.. he didn't noticed that ther's a new student.. ok FINE.. but i NOTICED another thing.. thse guys at the back had NEVER stop TALKING even the teacher was there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i was kinda.. kinda.. (don't know hw to expree my feelings bout it!!!).. they disrespect the teacher.. they ALWAYS tends to interrupt the teacher during the lesson!! and i HATE it so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How am i goin to concentrate when there is noise EVERYWHERE!!! YF and Bryan were also not focussing during the lesson.. they bully Danny by taking his shoe off and hide it..

And the teacher's voice was freaking LOUD!!!! but it's alright for me.. the louder he speaks, the more i could pay attention!! Coz those BASTARD at the back were really FREAKING ME OUT!!!!

WENT OUT OF TOPIC!!

16 August 2008

The Damansara Utama Methodist Centre (DUMC) tuition had cancelled! That morning, i gave a phone call to Mr. Peter. Oh GOD!!! his voice sounds manly!! i LIKE it!!

WHAT AM I THINKING?!! HE'S MY TEACHER!!!!

Oh.. jz forget bout it!! ENOUGH means ENOUGH!!!

Later on.. my family and i went to Kajang for prayers. It's the 1st year anniversary of my grandfather's death.. He passed away peacefully.. He sat on the floor, he leaned on the wall behind his back.. My grandfather had diabetes since he was early 30 year old.. He had went through all these misfortune and sufferings for the rest of his life.. i've see him injecting himself with some kind of whitish concentrated liqiud on his thigh.. i didn't dare to ask him what was it..

Everytime he drink tea or coffee.. he added a few artificial sugar into it.. i still remember the brand of the artificial sugar.. it's EQUAL.. Yeah!! i've learned this product in Chemistry.

But until now.. i still feel the guiltiness deep inside my heart.. i couldn't forgive myself.. For chinese lunar calendar, my grandfather died on 16 July 2007. It was during the hungry ghost festival. I MISS HIM SO SO SO MUCH!! i could even cry when i start talk bout my grandfather!! however.. it seems like he just passed away not long ago..

On the day when my grandfather died, i was on the phone call with Howe2!! we talked quite long actually.. that was the time my mum called me to inform me bout my grandfather's death!!! but she didn't get to reach me as the phone was engaging!!! How STUBBORN i am to have miss my mum's phone call?!!!

I guess my mum got frustrated, so she and my dad rushed back home to tell me the news.. The moment i saw they opened the auto-gate outside.. i quickly hang up the phone call with Howe2!!! i went to open the door. i saw my mum was crying.. and my dad had a very numb look on his face..i can sense that there's is something wrong..

The first thing that my father tell me is.. "Grandfather has died.." and my mum was so angry and questioned me bout why i didn't pick up the phone!!! I lied to her that i was having a phone call with my friend.. The moment when my father told me bout the news.. i was SPEECHLESS!! my brain was totally blank!! i didn't know what response to give them..

i went into the car.. all of us was so quiet.. it took us bout 30 minutes to reach my grandfather's house.. and when i reached there.. i saw my aunties.. my uncles.. everyone was crying.. the atmosphere there was really lifeless.. i walked upstairs.. i reached the door of my grandfather's room.. he was there.. with no expression on his face anymore.. his body turned white.. my grandmothers' eyes were red and swollen..

i cried soundlessly.. i couldn't stop my tears from falling.. i couldn't stop starring at my grandfather.. i couldn't take it!! i couldn't accept the fact of his death!! as i was pondering why the incident happened so sudden, my father came near me and tried to ease me.. he told me to calm down..

On the same night.. i couldn't sleep AT ALL!! i lied down on my bed.. all the memories of my grandfather kept passing through my mind.. i played the song from Celine Dion. And i cried for the whole night..

On the funeral ceremony.. we walked along the road with our bare legs.. it was a tradition. Not that we are superstitious.. but we BELIEVE.. we ALL believe!! and i accidentlly stepped on a burning cigarette on the ground!! SHIT!!! don't know which bastard go and throw it on the floor!!! And things went successfully.. we thanked that it wasn't rain that day..

I LOVE YOU, GRANDPA!!

A fight with a teacher..

usually in school.. ppl can hardly see me fighting with the teachers.. and i seldom do that too! Frankly, i'm afraid of teachers sometimes.. but certain teachers really make me wanna bit them up nicely!!!

it was jz Monday, 11 August 2008.

it was the last lesson for the day, English. I don't mind telling her name.. jz wanna let the whole world knw that she's such a"F" BITCH!! I don't knw hw she got a bf.. but Thank God, she's not married YET!!! then i can make ppl jeer at her!! AHAHAHAHA!!!!

CIK SUJATHA!! YOU'RE A BLOODY BIG "S" WOMAN IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE!!!

She can shout at us in front of all the teachers in the stuff room.. she can scream at us like a mad fool!! she can do whatever she like!! BUT SHE CAN'T CONTROL US!!

it was jz a small matter and she made it as if we were breaking the school rules!! MOTHER FISH!! Two of my friends (jz to accompany me) and me went to hand in my club's file to the teacher in-charged. It's URGENT! since Cik Sujatha was still in the stuff room.. so we tried to make things fast. We were actually wanted to put the files on top of the teacher's table.. and she shouted at us!!

"WHY ARE THREE OF YOU OVER HERE?! I THOUGHT WE ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE ENGLISH CLASS AFTERWARD.. GO BACK TO THE CLASS NOW!!"

i explained to her politely that i just wanna leave the files on top of the teacher's table, then we will go back to our class. but she didn't wanna listem!!!

"I DON'T CARE!! I SAID GO BACK TO THE CLASS NOW!!"

So three of us went back to the class and sat down. we were REALLY pissed off at that moment!! it wasn't our fault!! and the FIRE started burning on our head.. we decided to enter the stuff room AGAIN, and this time we won't care what she said, we'll just do whatever we wanna do!!

Once again.. she saw us. She was kinda angry already. Coz she gave us warning to stay in the class and wait for her to enter the class. But we ignored her. We didn't bothered what she said!! And she started to shout at us again..

"I SAID GO BACK TO THE CLASS NOW!!"

and she wanted to slap Ateli3r!! God!! we went back into the class, and i got pissed off too!! hw dare she talked to us like that!! Since she didn't even respect her students, so why do we have to respect her?!! she humiliated us in front of all the teachers in the stuff room..

BUT SHE HUMILIATED HERSELF TOO!!

it shows that she's not POWERFUL enough to control her students!!

SHE'S POWERLESS!!!!

She made the students hate her.. all of us is going to take revenge!! YES I WILL!!!

remembered she said my literature exercise book was RUBBISH!!!!

i'm gonna splash the red NIPPON paint all over her house!! i'm gonna screw up her wedding dress (if i could)!!! i'm gonna cut off her long hair!! DESTROY her car!! pour sodium hydroxide, NaOH all over her face (is it corrosive enough??) !!! or maybe i should use hydrochloric acid, HCL solution?? O_o WHATEVER!!!

i am HUNTING for you, Cik Sujatha.. where r u?






*i knw this is a bit evil.. but.. i dunno.. jz to release my anger..

PLKN !!!!!

what the "f"!!

y am i so unlucky nowadays?!!!

i got picked for the National Service!! i've never thought of it before until i received that "f" msg!!

PLKNSEMAKIC NUMBER SEND TO 15888

"double UU" asked me whether i want him to check for me.. but i refused. Hey! i was really concentrating in the class.. what if i got picked?? my mood will really really change immediately!! No one was paying attention during the lesson.. they were really focusing on their cell phone and eagerly waiting for the arrival of the msg..

"tahniah! anda telah dipilih... Programme Latihan Khidmat Negara.. 6/2009.."

Not that i'm being such a coward.. i'm jz anxious.. one of the advantages is that i'm able to gain more experience through the programme.. i can make more friends there.. but i won't forget my frenz in school no matter how!!! I'm able to get out of my house and search for my FREEDOM!!

BUT.. it's about the hygiene there!! and the food they provided!! i'm really afraid of it.. i didn't wanna eat those dirty food there!! i want CLEAN and FRESH food!!! i really don't wanna stay in the hospital during the programme!! i REALLY don't want!! i SWEAR!!

y pick ME?!! y not the others?!! it's so UNFAIR!! My friends said that i'm like "WATER".. what does it mean actually?? my guts are telling that i've being too SOFT.. AM I?? T_T

i really can't stand this anymore.. i couldn't sleep last night.. i kept thinking about the programme.. WHERE WILL THEY SEND ME TO??

SABAH??

or

SARAWAK??

i heard Danisa said most of the Selangor citizen will be send to Kelantan!!! NO!!!!!

and it seems like a GOOD news for the guys.. yeah!! they get to hold a gun.. what so interesting?? Even i hold a GUN before!! i mean.. the FAKE one.. the gun TOY.. hehe! so lame..

and i heard there's a lot of gangster inside.. but i'm not really scared of these ppl.. if they wanna fight, FIGHT la!!!! i bet i'm gonna win..

*this topic is a lil bit sensitive.

You know why God created gap between fingers??

So that at someday, sometime, somehow, the ONE who is made foryou, finally will come and fill all the gaps by holding your hands FOREVER..

Sweet Sweet Memories between ME & HIM..

Mon, 4 August 2008

At night.. i took out my calendars in the year 2007 & 2008.. Not to check the date.. but to recount back all the events happened throughtout these years.. My calendar is half of my diary.. Last time, i did write my own diary in a note book. But my mum eventually read the contents WITHOUT my permission! It was very RUDE!!

i HATE it when people touch my stuffs in my room!! USELESS PEOPLE!!

Yeah.. i found out that my bf (HH) had been to my hs for 9 times!! WTF!! I didn't knw it was that much!! Plus the another two times that i ponteng school, TOTAL is 11 times!! WOW!!

The first time we met was in IOI Mall. I played truant jz to date with him.. I gave him a kiss on the cheek when we reached the car park.. We went inside but both of us didn't knw where to go.. so we jz walked around.. here and there.. i remembered he knocked my head when i did something stupid!! Haha!

We sat on a bench.. i leaned on his shoulder.. it was the first time i hold a guy's hand.. he hugged me tightly.. all the people passed by looked at us in a different angle.. WHO CARES!! we were in LOVE at that moment!! Then, we head on to the POPULAR book shop.. Suddenly, he brought me to the staircase beside the book shop!! i was really PANIC!! i had no idea what is he going to do!! SHIT!!! but i knw something wasn't right..

He brought me downstairs.. the place what so quiet.. no one was there.. my heartbeat was damn FAST!! In no time, he pushed me towards the wall.. He stared me with an EVIL kind of look!! I knw he's gonna do something to me!! YES!! he kissed me.. my lips.. our body was so close.. i've never had that kind of body contact with a guy!! we were so intimate.. we were drowning in the mood..

However, i didn't really like it! i expected my first kiss to be in a very slow, long and a deep kiss. But end up we kissed in a very wild way!! at first, i didn't knw hw to kiss, so i was so kayu at times.. but Thank God i got used to it.. I didn't wanna spoil the atmosphere..

Later on, i think he got HIGH!! SHIT!! he brought me to somewhere else.. GUESS WHERE!! in the BOMBA ROOM!!! it was only a little space in the room.. so we gotta squeeze inside.. he was such a NAUGHTY boy!! And..

TO BE CONTINUE..

Argh!! he TOUCHED my hand!!!

OMG!! i can't believe what happened 2day!! he was the first person that i admired in this school since i entered secondary school. he is the most handsome guy in the school! i didn't wanna reveal the identity coz he might have a blog too!

But jz because we are in Form 5 nw, so all the prefects had to step down and retire.. hehe! During Chemistry lesson, we had to do an experiment on Chapter 5 , which is about the making of soap. I've jz learned this topic yesterday during tuition. Not a DIFFICULT topic, but it's not EASY too!

First of all, we measured the amount of NaOH needed by using the measuring cylinder. Next, we put a lil bit palm oil into the beaker. Mixed both the material by pouring the NaOH into the beaker. The smell of the palm oil was really SUCKS!! And then, we boiled it for 10 minutes. After that, we added in 3 spatulas of sodium chloride, NaCl, which is the common salt and also some distilled water. Let them boil for another 5 minutes. Keep stirring the mixture..

Then, we filtered the boiled solution by using a filter paper. The product that formed on the filter paper is the SOAP. However, when i feel it with my fingers, i didn't feel slippery at all!! I felt OILY! Eeeee.. DISGUSTING!!

At the end of the experiment, i used the basin that is located at "his" table. I washed the apparatus and cleaned them. Suddenly he came and wash his hands.. You knw what he did next?? Oh GOD!! he jz grabbed my hand! I was frightened so i took my hand away, unfortunately, i split the wayers on hand to SMing's book!

What the hell?! her reaction was too big!! What a BITCH!! It was jz a petty2 things that she made it as i destroyed her book!! I didn't apologise to her coz it's not my property!! i could have scratch all over her book and tear them into pieces!! SO WHAT?!

Back to the topic.. hehe! yeah.. i was a lil bit overwhelmed!! I shouldn'e have take away my hand and see what he'll do to my hand.. Hold it?? OH NO!! what am i thinking?!! STOP IT!! But it feels kinda good..

I wish i have a time machine and reverse the time when he touches my hand.. haha!

AFFAIR

oh shit!!!

i coupled with the same guy again!! Let's jz name him as J. Goodness!! it doesn't feels so good..

it was jz last night.. i cried for him when i asked him bout his ex gf.. i'm such an idiot!! This is reli a LOVE TRIANGLE!!

1. Howe Howe



2. "DOUBLE UU" ??



3. J
   

Between 3 of them above.. Howe Howe is the most loyal guy i've ever met. But hw sure am i?? maybe one day he MIGHT betray me.. i don't know.. it's all in God'd hand. But nothing is impossible, right??

Now what?? Haiz.. i'm so not STABLE enough when it comes to relationship!! i mean RELATIONSHIPS!! he tried so hard to get me back.. but i'm TOO soft-hearted (my major weakness!).. i accepted him eventually.. i jz met him twice.. we kissed and we almost did something that we shouldn't do!! well, i'm good in controlling my desire!!

And he looks so mature, bt his actual age is jz 23!! i got cheated by his real age.. he lied to me!!

i couldn't help myself.. his ex gf is same age as mine!! F***!!! which means.. he coupled with that girl when she was jz 13!! oh DAMN!! i'm the SECOND!! Argh!! i would rather kill myself!! i can't believe that's the fact!!!

i wanna be his FIRST!!! i'm so obsessed to HIM!! however, he doesn't deserve my tears!! NOT AT ALL!! NEVER!! not even a single drop of it!!

hw can he treat me like this?? the radio was playing James Blunt and it makes me feel so down.. a lot of my frenz are telling me to dump him but.. am i able to d it?? that's another question!! i'm not sure bout my feelings..

he made me suffered.. he's mentally torturing me..

J flirts with lots of girls.. after our first broke-up, he added lots of girl in friendster.. i don't knw what's wrong with him, but it's difficult to guess what's on his mind.. his attitude seems like the climate.. sometimes HOT ; sometimes COOL ..

I still remembered the first time we met.. i smoked!! i took one of his cigarette and tried to suck a lil bit.. WOW!! i chocked!! i hated the smell of it.. but i was nearly addicted to it.. maybe coz of the nicotine -.-"

i LOVE his kisses!! i love it MORE than Howe Howe's kiss!! Howe Howe's kiss is erotic and wild (HOT!!!) ; but J's kiss is soft and slow.. MAKES ME HIGH!!! "High" in the sense of... sense of... hmm... SECRET!!! haha! can't tell.. PRIVATE!!

He wanted to take my nude picture (isolated part - vulva) !! but i refused!! NO!! he's such a pervert!! i'm afraid that my face might turn up in YouTube.. Goss!!

Though it HURTS!! he's not HUMOUR at all.. NO jokes.. being with him is not romantic at all.. i celebrated his birthday this year.. i didn't get to buy him a present.. he wanted to bring me to a HOTEL!! but.. i'm not sure whether he is able to celebrate my birthday with me this year.. we' see hw far we can go.. if our relationship last, then it's a good thing.. but if can't, then i'm speechless (NO COMMENT..)

i wonder how the ending will be.. will we be enemies?? no matter how.. i don't really care bout the ending, i only care bout the process.. i don't mind if i give my virginity to him, honetly.. the problem is, AM I STILL A VIRGIN???

in school, there's lots of rumors bout me behave in front of the guys.. some said i'm a prostitute!! some siad i always fool around with the guys!! i don't care hw ppl look at me.. you CAN humiliate me! you CAN embarrass me!! you CAN do whatever thing that you like to do!! it's NONE of my business!!

J.. the game is NOT over yet.. if you wanna play a fool in my feelings.. jz GO AHEAD!! this is where the game begins..

I'LL BE YOUR BEST PLAYER!!!

Things Not To Say During Sex !!

Guys!! pay attention here!!

• i have to poop.


• smile for the camera! Cheese..


• Get off me, i'll do it myself..


• This is your first time, right?


• You're almost as good as my ex!


• When is this supposed to feel good?


• i thought you had the key to the handcuffs?!


• i was so horny tonight, i would have taken a sheep home.


• keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper!


• Hey! my friends were right! You ARE good in this!


• I'm sobering up and you're getting ugly..


• on second thought, let's turn the lights off.


• But everybody looks funny naked..


• do i have to pay for this?


• No! you are too fat to be on top. You'd kill me!!


• Actually.. your sister 'likes' it like this..


• What's your name again?


• Hold on, let me change the channel..


• It's nice being in bed with someone i don't have to inflate..


• uhh.. i think the condom broke 10 minutes ago..

HAHAHA!!!

My LOVE quote

Good kissers are strong men who will have your back.

Bad kissers are weak men who will just like to grab your butt..

Watch out, LADIES!!

When you..

When you try your best, but you don't succeed..

When you get what you want, but not what you need..

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep..

When you lose something, but you can't replace it..

When you set your goal, but you can't achieve..

When you feel frustrated, but you can't release..

When you promised something, but you can't fulfil it..

When you break something, but you can't fix it..

When you want to fly, but you are without wings..

When you see a star, but you can't make a wish..

When you're in love with him, but you can't meet him..

When you scream out loud, butone cares about it..

Could it be worse??



copy rights are preserved..

MY INTRO..

My world reposed in the dusk,
And my mind reposed in the past,
I went nearly mad with grief,
when the day you left me.

I sank under the heavy burden of hardship,
VIRTUE and VICE are before me,
There are too much!!!
Torturing me..

The one leads to misery;
The other leads to happiness..
Wishing i could do something blindfold

What's going on????

HELL IS A PLACE CALLED HOME..

A poem for YOU

I love you
fo so many reasons
large or small,
and all of them are wonderful..

I love you for all te special qualities
that makes you"you",
one of a kind,
the only one in the world of me.

I love you
for the things you say that
bring such special meaning
to my life.

I love you
for the silent times when
your eyes and your arms
tell me all i want to know..

I love you
because you know how
to bring out the BEST inme..

I love you
just because i do..
Because now,
in a place where
there was nothing before,
in the deepest part of my HEART..

There is LOVE..

Your (my) LOVE is Base on Passion

When you're in love, youe brimming with emotions and desire.

For you, love can be crazy frenzy - but somehow it al makes sense.

Love is the most important thing to you. You are capable of doing anything for LOVE.
( This makes you very lovable.. but also a little SCARY! )

Why your love can LAST:
You've got the tre attraction, bnd, and euphoria to make it happened.

Why your love can FAIL:
Love isn't something you really think through. Your roller coaster relationship sometimes end on a terrifying note.