Anxiety..!! CAN'T YOU SEE IT ON MY FACE?!?!

1st July 2009,

time passed by so fast.. next week (6th July) is my finals.. i feel EXTREMELY ANXIOUS right now..

Biology? i think it would be fine for me.
Physics? Redo the exercises he gave us.
Chemistry? OMG!
Maths? SCREWED!!!

i'm in the college now. Was studying for Chemistry in McDonalds. One of the high schools in KL was quarantined. I heard that there's a Form 1 student is officially infected by the influenza (i mean, swine flu). Therefore, my dad forced me to put on the mask from now on. WTH!! people around kept staring at me.. what the heck is wrong with them??!! They must be thinking that i over-do it..

I am NOT supposed to be here!! I am supposed to study RIGHT NOW!!

EQUILIBRIA!!! 13 chapters for CHEMISTRY!!!
TOTAL INSANE!!!!

i wonder when will all these end..???!!

21 June 2009 (Sunday)

Recently, i knew a guy from Facebook named Simon. He's my ex school friend's ex bf. My ex school friend named Margeret. Both of them are Christians. One is Catholic.. another one is.. erm.. i forgot.. XD *never mind, non of my business also, i don't bother.*

He got my phone number from some other source. I won't tell. But you know.. people just has their own technique to figure out some alternative way to achieve their target.

He sms-ed me. He was like 'nice to meet you'. I didn't get so close with him.. just NORMAL friends. He's a Christian, but his English is not that good la.. i realised that he's actually quite poor in grammar. Sometimes when i read his messages would really makes me laugh..

Just few days ago, i went to check out his facebook again. He's just a normal-looking guy la.. not handsome actually.

But on Sunday (as noted the date above), he confessed to me. Frankly speaking, i was quite annoyed by him la.. He kept calling me ALMOST EVRY NIGHT!!! but the worst part was, he didn't know what to talk about on the phone BECAUSE HE WAS TOO SHY!!! WTH!! then why would you call??!! SINCE YOU'VE GOT NOTHING TO SAY.

Actually i could sensed that he likes me.. He'll message me every day.. he'll be asking 'taken your dinner?' and stuffs like that la.. i got so bored. I remembered he wrote me a poem.. BUT I ACCIDENTLY DELETED IT.. heheheh.. XD

GOSH!!! one more thing that i need to emphasize on him is.. HE'S ONLY 159cm!!! OMG!! he's only 3CM taller than me!!!! Seriously i can't accept a guy with that height.. The basic requirement is AT LEAST 170cm.. But this can't be blame la.. Height is an continuous variation (ALL SCIENCE STUDENTS, WE'VE LEARNED THE CHAPTER "VARIAITON" IN FORM 5).. since they're born to be like that. I won't discriminate them.

*Simon, i'm not humiliating you ok (fyi)..*

Anyhow, i'm sure he's not my ideal type of bf... DEFINITELY NOT!

* I'm sorry, Simon. Didn't mean to hurt your feelings.*

i finally have the courage to tell...

4 June 2009 (Thursday)

I really can't forget what happened that day. I know it has already passed. Hehe.. everytime i recall back the incident REALLY MAKES ME LAUGH...

Yeap! It was the day i broke up with him. Anyway i dont' want to repeat the what happened at the river side. I left the river side and head on to the LRT station.. as usual.. waited for the Sri Petaling train. Felt so moody.. Found a seat and sat there quietly.. With the French fries he left on the floor. I know he purposely put it on the floor. Since he doesn't like me to waste any food, so i took it back with me.

When the train stopped by at Masjid Jamek station, two Iranian guys came in. Both of them sat in front me. I attracted my vision on them cuz they were EXTREMELY HAIRY!!!! By just looking at their hands, WOW!!! They're like GORILLAZ!!!!

I was enjoying the scenery outside the window.. Suddenly i realised that they kept smiling at me showing their thumbs up.. so i smiled back at them. Then i started eating my French fries.. tried my LEVEL BEST to avoid having eye-contact with these two weirdos.. SCARY MAN..!! I can't stand it when strangers starred at me..

But things didn't went according to what i wished. One of them stood up and walked towards me, he sat beside. My guts told me that something's wrong.. He started talking to me. He asked me where i stay.. am i a student or working dy.. which station i'll get down from the train..

Lastly, he asked me whether i have a phone number or not. I told him i don't have one. It's obvious that i lied. But seriously i was quite annoyed by the questions that he asked. Cuz poeple around me kept looking at us and seemed like they are wondering why this girl so daringly talked to strangers. I'M NOT. My principle is showing my manners. When people smiled at me, even if they're strangers, i'll definitely smile at them back (as long as they don't do me any harm.. so WHY NOT??) right? XD i'm not an ignorant person anyway..

A sudden awkward silence between both of us. I guess he could sensed that i got annoyed by him. When the train stopped by at Bandar Tasik Selatan, he threw a paper into my French fries pack without saying anything. After that, he left the train by waving his hands to me.

When i reached home, i took out the paper that he folded into small size. I opened it. He wrote his number on it!!!

WTF!!! Who the hell he thinks i am??!! I'M NOT A PROSTITUTE OK!!!!!

I SWEAR i won't call such JERK!!!! Even my dad thinks i dressed up like a prostitute!!! Do you know how much it hurts??? I asked lots of my friends. They don't find me look like one. I don't have that sex appeal either. I'm just an ORDINARY person.. Girls like to dress up nicely in front of people, that's actually NORMAL.. What makes him thinks i look like one of "them"..???

After that incident, i didn't dare to tell my father about it, if i did, definitely he'll screw me up.. ban me from wearing short pants to college.. T.T

But just yesterday, i finally have the courage to tell him about the incident. Surprisingly, he didn't mad at him. But in turn, he said that i should have trown away the pack of French fries instead of finishing it, cuz that guy might jampi me!! Hohohohoh.... I'm actually glad that my dad didn't scold me for that.

SEX MANIAC!!!!

27 June 2009 (Saturday)

Just for your information.. NOT ME OK!!!!

It was just two minutes ago, i signed in to my MSN messenger. Someone added me. So of course i approved. Then i realised that "someone" whom added me was online too!! So i thought of asking him how he knows my email address. Once i clicked on his contact, usually there'll be the conversation column appeared..

Right after i did it, i can't believe what i saw in front of my naked eyes!!! OMG!!!!

I SAW SOMEONE'S PENIS ON THE DISPLAY PHOTO!!!!

I quickly hide the photo column!!! I looked again at that "someone" 's email address. What a weird email address.. a long one.. but never mind, that's not the point. But one thing for sure, HE'S A GUY!!! I mean, us girls won't post up naked photos like our boobs or isolated part to show everyone. I mean, even if we want to ATTRACT people's ATTENTION (especially guys), we'll probably just act SEXY in the photo. NOT SHOWING OUR PRIVATE PARTS!!! Gosh!!!

Seriously i've encountered this TWICE... XD

The moment i was about to BLOCK this guy, he sent me a nudge!!! But luckily i've hidden the photo display column at the side bar there. So i don't have to see "it" again.. Fuh..!!

"hi.." he started off the conversation.
"HEY!! ARE YOU CRAZY??"
"WHY U PUT THAT DISPLAY PHOTO..???"
"yes"
"i'm crazy"
"i like sex"
"do you like"
"do you like my penis?"
"18CM"
"NO!!!"
"MANIAC!!!!"
"whr u from???"
"i'm from paris"
"france"

*Purple - Crazy guy
*Yellow - Me

In no time, my parents got home, i quickly quit the conversation and signed out immediately BEFORE my parents realised. Hehe.. THE END OF CONVERSATION with a sex maniac... XD

ATTENTION GUYS!!!

23 June 2009 (Tuesday)

Just recently i read an article from the newspaper (date: 10 June 2009).. about the MALE'S Y-CHROMOSOME.. i find it very interesting.. it's related to BIOLOGY..

Australian National University (ANU) evolutionary geneticist, Professor Jenny Graves. Professor Graves is the Head of the Comparative Genomics Research Group at the Research School of Biological Sciences at ANU and is Director of the ARC Centre for Kangaroo Genomics based at ANU and the University of Melbourne. She has received the Nobel Prize for Medicine in 1999.

Her research focuses on the evolutionary history of the human sex chromosomes, X and Y. Her team discovered that the gene on the Y chromosome thought to be responsible for testis development was not located on the Y chromosome in marsupials, which led to two of her former students identifying the correct sex-determining gene present on the Y chromosome both in placental mammals (such as humans and mice) and marsupials which branched off the evolutionary tree some 180 million years ago.

In a research paper to be published in the prestigious journal Cell this week, Professor Graves elaborates on this sex-chromosome research, and the implications of her predicted extinction of the Y-chromosome in human!!

HELLO!!!! The Y-choromosome in male human body is DEGENERATING...!!!

According to the text i read, it says that during CELL DIVISION (meiosis) in each male and female choromosome, if there's mutation occurs, the XX choromosomes are able to repair themselves (self-repairing in short), whereas the XY chromosomes are INCAPABLE in self-repairing!! Hence, it is proven that the Y-chromosomes in a male body has been degenerating since the 180 millions years AGO!!!!

According to Nature Journal, the sex chromosomes are generally believed to have descended from a pair of homologous autosomes. Suppression of recombination between the ancestral sex chromosomes led to the genetic degeneration of the Y chromosome. In response, the X chromosome may become dosage-compensated. Most proposed mechanisms for the degeneration of Y chromosomes involve the rapid fixation of deleterious mutations on the Y-chromosome.

Surveys showed that up to 15% of INFERTILE men has been found. Besides than Biotechnology, scientists have been doing researches regarding the posibilities of . Male has a very vital gene in their body called SRY (Sex-determining Region Y) is a sex-determining gene on the Y-chromosome in the therians (placental mammals and marsupials). This particular gene is interrelated with the testis development and the secretion of male sex hormones.

Presentation....!!!

23 June 2009 (Tuesday)

It's late night now (12.23a.m.).. and i'm in the middle of completing my presentation slides.. I know i shouldn't be writing my blog now.. BUT... I'M JUST BORED!!!

I've got a lot to write.. but i just need more time..

I'm doing my Physics Presentation on this coming Wednesday.. Rishii joined my group.. The title is Dialysis Machine.. From 9 o'clock just now, i've been searching for information regarding the topic that i'm gonna do..

Final exam is approaching.. it's in July.. i REALLY thought of screwing up ALL the papers.. cuz i've NOT been studying.. I wanted to stay in the hostel, BETTER ENVIRONMENT TO STUDY!! NO DISTRACTIONS.. See what i'm doing NOW??!! ......BLOGGING <<<<< NOW THIS IS WHAT I CALLED AS "DISTRACTION" !!! But the good news is.. i can actually submit my first term exam resluts to IMU since i've met the requirement.. so.. i guess NO WORRIES for my final exam.. *I GUESS*

There's Internet access in my house.. TV.. and.. my BED.. Image that my bed is just RIGHT AT THE BACK of my study table!!! Everytime i have the mood to study, the moment i enter my room.. here comes the distraction.. =.=" and i HATED it so much..!!

The BEST thing of staying in the hostel is.. THE PRESSURE GIVEN BY MY HOUSEMATES.. INDIRECTLY.. My previous housemates are hardworking.. and that gives me the intention to STUDY..

7 more hours i'll be meeting TM. Weee....!!! Miss him so so so so much...!!!!

Wait...!!! i think i lose the mood of continuing my presentation slides.. NVM PUI XIN!!! U can continue tomorrow..!!

Erm... CAN I?? Opps!! I should put it this way >>> "WILL I..??"

I'M CRAVING FOR CHOCOLATE RIGHT NOW!!!!!

18 June 2009 (Thursday),

i went for a medical checkup few weeks ago.. they took my blood sample and urine sample.. And yesterday, i received a VERY BAD news!!! My parents went to the PATHLAB healthcare centre and took our medical report..

Everything is fine in me.. but the major problem is.. MY URIC ACID LEVEL IS SLIGHTLY HIGER THAN THE NORMAL RANGE.. at first i thought it'll be fine, cuz most probably i inherited from my mum... my mum has the same problem too.. but hers is more serious compared to mine. BUT.. here's the worst news i've ever heard in my entire life!!!

I CAN'T EAT CHOCOLATE ANYMORE!!!!

WTF!!! who the hell in this world doesn't know I'M A CHOCOLATE FREAK!!! I was eating a chocolate bar when i received the news from my dad.. I NEARLY CHOKED OK!!! I feels like.. A CLAP OF THUNDER had just CRASHED on my CHOCOLATE!!!!

POOOFF!!!

The chocolate DISAPPEARED!!!!

My dad started scolding me.. i starred at my chocolate for a long loooong time.. thinking of how to DESTROY the chocolate grabbed tightly in my hand.. WHO THE HELL IN THIS WORLD CREATED CHOCOLATE!!! TELL ME!! i wanna kill that person!!!

The normal range of uric acid in our body is between 0.14 to 0.34, mine is only 0.35!!! CHOCOLATE MAKES ME SPELLBOUND.. i eat chocolate when i feel moody.. when i feel happy.. CHOCOLATE has become my LOVER!!! There's only two things i want in my life..

1. FIRST - MY BOYFRIEND!!!
2. SECOND - CHOCOLATE!!!!

My dad told me that i can't eat beans..

"BUT CHOCOLATE IS NOT BEAN!!!" I said.

"I know.. but chocolate is made out of COCOA BEAN.." he replied me in a cool way..

=.=||| *three straight lines appeared on my forehead..*

WELL CAN'T YOU SEE THAT THEY ARE SO DELICIOUS?????!!!!!

THEY'RE MY BABIES...

i read this joke from somewhere in the net.. and i find this joke not funny AT ALL.. it's insulting WOMEN!!!

A woman is like a pack of cards ...

... You need a heart to love her

... A diamond to marry her

... A club to smash her head in

... And a spade to bury the bitch

That is very TRUE..

Below are their affection analysis who birth on month November (ME!!!) :

- Has a lot of ideas
- Difficult to fathom (means mysterious..)
- Thinks forward
- Unique and brilliant
- Extraordinary ideas
- Sharp thinking
- Fine and strong clairvoyance
- Can become good doctors ( Wohoo..!! but how about nurse??)
- Careful and cautious
- Dynamic in personality
- Secretive
- Inquisitive
- Knows how to dig secrets
- Always thinking (and day-dreaming too..)
- Less talkative but amiable

A sudden STRONG feeling of becoming a NURSE interrupted my train of thought...

16 June 2009 (Tuesday)

Nearly EVERY DAY i travel to my college through LRT train, whenever the train stopped by the Cheras station, i'll be able to see lots of nurses entering the carriage.. I saw a chinese lady walked by and she sat beside me, correcting her sitting posture (cuz she is a lil bit big-sized, plus the train was so crowded, everyone was definitely hoping to get a seat..)..

Sitting beside her makes me feel so PROUD.. I love their white dresses.. I’ve seen how beautiful and clean-looking their habit was and my dream rekindled with burning desire to wear such… I was again fascinated by the whiteness of their UNIFORM..

Here's a very funny joke for my readers.. ENJOY!!!

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles, from behind the mask
"Are my testicles black?" the patient asked.
"I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." Embarrassed, the young nurse replied.
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.
Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with
them, Sir !!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very
closely...
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ?"

Isn't it LAME??

I’m now certain that nursing is for me, I love to be with the sick tending to their needs and alleviating the sick. I remembered it was on Monday, there was a middle-aged guy got down from the train, i was walking in front of him.. He was crippled (i'm sorry to say this).. He was walking with limp.. Worst of all, he had to walk step-by-step down the stairs.. I felt so pitiful to him.. I could have HELP him!!!! Until now, i felt so GUILTY due to my heartless act. I REALLY didn't mean to look on unconcerned. But i swear i DID NOT watch with folded arms.. Plus i was rushing on my way to college.. I am still regretting over myself for not helping him to walk down the stairs.. I here by SWEAR that if i encounter such situation again, i'll DEFINITELY help these disabled or needy people!!!

Until now that burning desire has never been dampened, I’m about to persue my nursing diploma abroad soon, and hoping to finish this course and work as I have dreamed…please do pray for me… TQ!

Bored..

12 June 2009 (Friday)

I was supposed to have Chemistry class today.. but since Bonnie's not coming, so i skipped the class. I'm in the college right now.. feel so boring.. waitin' the time to pass by, patiently..

An hour ago, i just came back from Mid Valley. Met Thom again..

But i'm glad that at least i studied this morning. Biology. Hehe.. Was studying Immunity.. Learned about the structure of ANTIGEN and stuffs like that.. It harded than what we've learned in Form 5. Form 5 was just the basic knowledge.. I always get a Grade A for my biology since i was Form 4. But.. unfortunately.. i got a B3 for it in SPM.. i thought of paying 50 bucks to check my actual result. But never mind..

I'm in the library now.. alone here.. M1 and M3 are having their class now i guess..

GOSH!! Gastric..

5 more minutes i'll have to sign out.. gotta go home.. SLEEP!!!

I spent all my money today.. FINALLY!!!

This morning i went to Mc. Donalds. Thought of buying a sewt meal.. but after i made the order, i realised that i only left 6 bucks in my purse.. F***!! that was so embarrassing.. then, i cancelled my order, and asked for just a coffee which cost me RM3.50!!! then i spent another RM2.30 for an apple pie.. haih..

that's all for now..

bye!!

My daily LOVE horoscope

Personal growth and change is at a peak right now and you are seeking change in a manner of ways.

The roles that you have been playing are a little tired now, and tradition or custom or routine is going to irritate you today.

For the time being, you've been feeling like you've just been going with the flow, and you are prepared now to make some changes to meet your own needs.

You don't set your expectations too high at all, and don't let anybody else tell you that you do.

So the change that you are needing right now is a change that will put those needs first for a change.

FACE DOWN!!!

Hey girl, you know you drive me crazy
One look puts the rhythm in my hand.
Still I'll never understand why you hang around
I see what's going down.

Cover up with make up in the mirror
Tell yourself it's never gonna happen again
You cry alone and then he swears he loves you.

Do you feel like a man
when you PUSH her around?
Do you feel better now
as she falls to the ground??
Well, I'll tell you my friend,
One day this world's going to END
as your LIES crumble down,
A NEW LIFE she has found.

A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
every action in this world will bear a consequence
If you wade around forever you will surely DROWN
I see what's going DOWN.

I see the way you go and say your right again,
Say your right again!
Heed my lecture.

One day she will tell you that she has had ENOUGH
It's coming round again.
Do you feel like a man, when you push her around? Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground? Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end as your lies crumble down, a new life she has.

Face down in the dirt she says,
This doesn't hurt!
She says I finally had ENOUGH..

零

从来不相信我的世界可以有多完美
　
痛苦 寂寞 还有一些疲惫

不允许他人随意进入我的零度空间
　
宁愿 孤独 懒得再去想谁

两个人一起是否只是得到一种安慰　

挣脱 过去 然后忘记一切

没想过有天我的结局忽然全部改变
　
谁会 抓住 我的无力双臂

怎么会哭　

谁错谁对

为谁抱歉

不会再哭　

谁错谁对

为谁憔悴

走入零度空间 等到一切分裂
　
就算爱的危险 我们一起面对

来不及的防备 没听过的誓言
　
要我怎么学会 多了爱的明天

走出零度空间 终于一切分裂
　
就算爱的很累 我却不会后悔

放下所有防备 一切都无所谓　

逃出黑暗世界 开始新的明天　

新的明天

新的世界

Hot n' Cold

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
You, PMS
Like a bitch
I would know

And you over think
Always speak
Crypticly

I should know
That you're no good for me

Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes, then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

You don't really want to stay
But you don't really want to go

We used to be
Just like twins
So in sync
The same energy
Now's a dead battery
Used to laugh bout nothing
Now you're plain boring!!

I should know that
You're not gonna change

Someone call the doctor
Got a case of a love bi-polar
Stuck on a roller coaster
Can't get off this ride

I'M A SLUT!!!

8 June 2009

I overslept this morning.. i woke up at around 7.30am i guess.. Cuz i'm staying quite far from my college.. so usually i'll have to wake up at 7a.m. routinely take my bath.. take an extra long time to look through my closet in detail.. wondering what should i wear today.. (=.=)"
an then wear my contact lens (the brown one).. draw eye liner.. and so on... BY 7.30am, i must leave my house and head on the the LRT station.. 20 minutes journey.. finally i'll reach PWTC.

I didn't tell my father that i was actually late this morning.. Cuz i know he'll definitely start scolding.. cuz last night i slept at around 2a.m., writing my blog.. heheh.. so by the time i reach The Mall, i didn't dare to enter the class.. It's Maths!!! Mr. Matt!! Oh no!! he's gonna detain me from being late for the class.. so i went to fourth floor, the food court.. was studying for Physics alone at the corner.. i was able to concentrate.. but someone just caught my attention.. "someone" that i don't wanna see.. I was so distracted!! My heart beat rate is increasing!!!! I could even hear the sound of the contracting myocardium muscles!!! I CAN HARDLY BREATHE!! I increased the volume of the song (Face Down from Red Jumpsuit Apparatus) that was playing in my Ipod.. FORCING myself to listen to the lyrics!!! All of a sudden, i can't FOCUS on my studies!!! i was so damn PISSED!!! I paid for my drink.. and i quickly packed my notes and stuffs on the table.. CHAO!!! I really can't stay there for much longer!!! I can't stand it!!! I got up from the chair, fasten my foot steps.. AND LEAVE!!!!

Then i went to Mc.Donalds. I was struggling to try my BEST to read the notes.. STATIC EQUILIBRIUM!!! WTF!!! I can't stop thinking about HIM!!! NOOOOOOO...!!! STOP IT!!!

"BEEP!"

Followed by the vibration from my phone.. It's Thom!!! He asked me out for a movie.. Hannah Montana (=.=)"

GOSH!! Miley Cyrus AGAIN??!!! i HATE that show ok!! So childish!!!



Again, i quickly finish my barley.. and went to the KTM station (Putra). Head on to Mid Valley.. But he was late.. So i waited him in front of MPH Bookstore. He wore a white T-shirt and a pair of jeans.. Opps!! i forgot to introduce Thom.. He's a Christian. Normal-looking guy.. Not really handsome.. like i said, i don't go for LOOKS!! LOOKS may DECEIVE!! Thom's TEN YEARS OLDER THAN ME..!! But he is god damn RICH (i noticed that he has got FIVE silver rings on his fingers!!) Owned a shop in Mid Valley.. VERY POPULAR.. Staying in The Gardens Residence. Has a house in PJ. Not TALL.. only 165cm. Has a very good personality.. WAY FAR BETTER THAN THE PREVIOUS BF I HAD (just broke up recently).. gentle.. and a CLASSY person.. When he walks beside me, he'll always put his right hand at the back of him.. The way he talks, WOW!! just like a POLITICIAN.. very strong in his words..

Back to the main topic.. He promised to treat me for a movie.. It's a Premiere movie..

"Why don't we watch it in Mid Valley?" i asked.
"You wanna watch in a crowded place or a quiet place?" he asked me back.
"But.. the tickets are very expensive if we watch in premiere.." I said.
"To me, it's nothing. I want the comfortableness.." he said.

I chosed <17 Again>. He bought the ticket. The movie starts at 1.30p.m. We still have about 45 minutes to hang around in Mid Valley.. He brought me to this restaurant in The Gardens. It's a very classy place.. with very nice and soft music.. The atmosphere there is so romantic.. it can definitely comfort every customers' mind.. The waiter took our order.. I ate Loh Bak.. I guess that's the cheapest among all the food in the menu.. Thom ate Wan Tan Mee..

After our lunch, we head on to the GSC Signature. The cinema hall is filled with couple seats.. While watching.. Thom frequently blew my hair.. he kissed me on the cheek while i was watching the movie.. He kept saying "i love you, Averine.."..

"Averine.. when can you give me your answer?" he asked so desperately.

"Erm.. i don't know.. just give me some time.. please.." A sudden feeling of guiltiness burst in my mind..

NOOOO..!!! TM!!! TM!!! TM!!! TM!!! I LOVE TM!!!

"Averine... please give me a chance.. i really love you so much.. I'm willing to sacrifice for you.. i'm giving you all my love now.. will you please agree with me? I NEED YOU..!"

" ............. " i kept quiet.. ignoring him..

Thom kissed me on the lips passionately..!!! That shouldn't be happening!!! But before he proceed to the next stage (which i really don't want that to happen..).. i STOPPED him..

"Are you sure what we are doing now is right??" i asked.
"I love you, Averine.."

He pressed his lips on mine.. he placed his hands on my thigh.. and he kissed all over my neck.. with his hands around me.. on my boobs..

i knew that is WRONG... i'm sorry TM.. i'm sorry...

I told Anandh about Thom. And he supports me to go for Thom.. Should i? Or should i not? Then how about TM? i can't leave him.. he loves me MORE THAN ANYONE AROUND ME DOES!!

Thom is talking about MARRIAGE..

"Averine.. my age is catching up.. please consider about it.. i will support you all the way long till the end.. we'll stay together forever ok..?"

"How sure are you that we'll stay together till the end..??"

"I'm VERY SURE about it.."

THE TOUCH OF LOVE

7 June 2009

It's Sunday today.. Dimple called last night.. She asked me where is the place that Mr. Thava (our previous Physics lecturer, he resigned just recently) giving tuition.. I got no idea where is the place. So she asked for my help. I called Purni. I called Jeremy. I even called Mr. Thava. Gosh! he off his phone!

"Why don't you call your friends?" i asked.
"I did! I asked Purni. But she'll always give me the same answer! She'll definitely say 'you go ask yourself la!', so can you help me ask?" she said.

I don't know why, people just doesn't mix with her. She's kinda lonely.. But so far, i find her actually a very good friend. She can be my BEST friend instead of Bonnie!! I like her a lot! Although we have a little argument at times, she has her point and i have mine too, but in the end, we are always fine..

This morning, we meet up at the entrance of The Mall. Hehe.. TM and his friend (so called "sky") too came along! I introduced both of them to Dimple. We were chatting.. chatting.. Suddenly, Dimple's aunty called and ask her when to go back home. In no time, she said goodbye, i gave her a hug before she leave.

Hehe.. after Dimple left, there was a sudden awkward silence around us..

"So how now??" asked TM.

Two of them just stared at me for no reason.. I smiled at them and said..

"Let's go to Petaling Street!" i shouted.

Both of them gave me a weird look on their face.. (O.o)

Hahahah.. I pulled TM's hand and drag him along to the LRT station.. We head on to Plaza Rakyat and we walked to Petaling Street. I shared a bowl of porridge with TM. Gosh!! He is still the same old guy i knew last time.. LOVE TO TEASE ME.. NON STOP MAKING ME LAUGH..

His friend, Sky was chased out of his house last night, because his father found out that he sneaked out almost every night and loaf around outside the house with his friends. So last night he had to stay over night at TM's house. Gosh! He's same age as me, but he smokes! TM is such a caring guy.. He scolded Sky not to smoke when i'm there. Hehe..

After having breakfast with them, we went to Kota Raya. Gosh!! So many Vietnamese.. TM attempted to kiss me but i avoided. After that, we went to Mc.Donalds. We ordered two Oreo McFlurry. I LOVE IT!!! I LOVE OREO!!!

At last, we decided to go back to PWTC.

Being with TM.. reminds me of so many past memories that we have.. One of the most UNFORGETABLE incidents that happened, i ponteng class and went to his house. We had a really GREAT TIME together.. i never knew that he would treat me so good.. until he was willing to resign from his job BECAUSE OF ME!!! Although we were just being together for about FIVE MONTHS (116 days!!), but it seemed like we've been together for FIVE YEARS!!! the feelings are VERY STRONG every day!!! The SPARK!!!

THE SPARK OF LOVE FLICKERED IN OUR HEART!!!

We were so in love with each other.. SO SO SO IN LOVE!!! Let's continue the story.. i met his family.. they treat me very well.. they're all very friendly.. i had my breakfast and lunch at his house.. and i did FACIAL TREATMENT for him.. GOSH!!! he has got very smooth and fair skin.. His mum is so PRETTY!! He inherited it from his mum.. I could see that he really enjoyed when i was doing the treatment for him... he was asleep.. i took a photo of him when he was asleep with the mask on his face.. I DON'T GO FOR LOOKS!! When i look at him.. i OBSERVED every single hair on his face.. he is not handsome.. but he is BEAUTIFUL.. beautiful on the OUTSIDE and INSIDE too!!!! I never knew a guy in my life would willing to sacrifice so much for me..

I HAD FOUND THE GREATEST LOVE!! He is AWFULLY GOOD to me!! The relationship we were developing was sweet .. "spicy" at times.. He's an extraordinary combination of all the things a girl wants!! He's an IDEAL HUSBAND!! REALLY!! TRUST ME!!! He was like part of my soul.. In front of him, i don't have to pretend, i don't feel shy.. i don't have to care how i dress up myself.. i don't mind if he just wear t-shirt and jeans when we date.. i don't mind if he burps loudly in front of me.. i don't mind even if he farts!!

Above all, the PASSION and LOVE we shared had brought us both in peace. It was an union that soothed both our souls. I enjoyed his sunny spirit, his energy, his humour, and also his tenderness. I felt SAFER with him than i ever had with anyone in my life!!!

"HAVE YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU HAD BLOSSOMED LIKE A FLOWER UNDER THE SUNSHINE?"

Well, i experienced it!

It was raining cats and dogs that evening.. i ride on his bike. We never know it would rain.. before we left his house, the sky was blue.. but when we were about to reach Bukit Jalil, i could feel the rain drops on my hands.. it was painful when the raindrops hit on our skin! The raindrops were "growing" heavier and bigger in size.. Both of us were TOTALLY WET!! He stopped by under a fly-over bridge on top of us. Both of us were shivering.. it was so cold.. He never say a word, and then HUGGED me tightly feeling like it was the BEST conversation we've ever had!! He kissed me on my lips.. and said "I LOVE YOU".. he promised me that he'll protect me in whatever situation.. he kept apologizing to me cuz he failed that time. But i didn't blame him.. It wasn't his fault. I used my finger to cover his mouth, stopping him from apologizing.. and I kissed him on his cheek and tell him "I LOVE YOU TOO!"..

He wanted me to stay and wait till the rain stops, but i refused. I told him that i don't want. I wanted him to bring me to the LRT station and we could dry our clothes there in the toilet. So we head on to our destination. Unfortunately, i didn't noticed that my father was already there waiting.. Daddy saw both of us.. He found out that i ponteng eventually. I got scolded by my father very badly when he dragged me into the car.. People around us kept starring.. But i didn't care.. My mind was FULL of thoughts of him.. my heart eased with his WARMTH..

Another few PERASAN photos on cross-culture day..

peace...!!!

smileys...

sad faces...

cool cool..